The deodorant dilemma

When it comes to armpits there can be no room for mistakes….one wrong product would result in an inexcusably stinky armpit situation that would leave me both miserable and embarrassed all day long. So when it came time to buy a new “organic” deodorant, all I could picture in my mind were long-haired hippies with long armpit hair applying some “natural” plant extract and claiming it reduced sweat and stink and yet if you got close enough to them you’d know it was a bald-faced lie.

I don’t play around with my deodorant. If my armpits are stinky I become absolutely miserable. I use Clinical Strength Secret and that stuff is magical. I still sweat a little but the smell is usually under control. I was having a little panic attack about the possibility of not finding a suitable natural subsitute…I mean come on, this stuff is Clinical!  I was seriously sceptical that anything made from nature (and won’t slowly kill me) would control both sweat and stink. I ventured into the forgotten aisle at Whole Foods that I usually never venture down….the personal products aisle.  I was really worried about the “natural” options out there but I took the plunge and trusted that there must be some decent, safe-for-you deodorant out there.

Tom’s of Maine Long Lasting deodorant: This was the first brand I tried out and it was a bad choice….very very bad choice. It confirmed all my fears. No wonder the hippie in my nightmares was smelly, she used Tom’s of Maine! That stuff was not good. Just not good at all. It was gelatinous, and the very instant the stick touched my armpit I felt the gelatin start to melt onto my armpit and started dripping. You’ve got to be kidding me! It was just nasty. The heat from my body made the gelatin melt. Gross. Then I was stuck with an armpit full of wet gelatin. I started to flap my arms around in hopes that it would dry, I fanned the wet armpit, I tried blowing on it, and yes, I probably looked as silly and ridiculous as you’re imagining me to be……it was just everything you would not want in a deodorant. Eventually I pat it with some tissue and hoped for the best. Approximately an hour later I noticed this deodorant was not doing its job in the least. I had sweat marks and could start to smell my armpits, and mind you I’m not an overly sweaty person to begin with. Gross. I went and showered and then promptly threw the stupid Tom’s of Maine deodorant in the trash, I was so mad with it that I just could not have it in my house anymore. Maybe I was being a touch melodramatic, but I hated it. It was a huge waste of money. I have never disliked a product so much as I disliked that deodorant. It was terrible. Just terrible. I’d give it a big fat Zero. I had such high hopes for it since Tom’s of Maine is a pretty well-known natural brand, but it was just all kinds of wrong.  So disappointed.

After the whole Tom’s of Maine fiasco, I was pretty skeptical that I would find a suitable alternative. I wanted to just run back to my Clinical Strength Secret, but I decided to suck it up and keep trying new brands in hopes that I would find The One. So I bought a new brand called Kiss My Face. The name alone made me laugh out loud when I saw it. Why would a deodorant be called Kiss my Face? But I digress. It’s the Brand name and they happen to make a deodorant, which I guess makes sense but it’s not smart marketing.

Kiss My Face Natural Active Life: The name alone made me think this wasn’t going to be any good ( it reminded me of Zoolanders Kiss-Face every time I read it), but I was wrong. This stuff works. I got a fragrance free version which is perfect and it made me feel clean and totally odorless all day long. I was impressed. Plus it’s free of aluminum and paraben. I looked into why aluminum and paraben would be bad as ingredients in a deodorant, seems like there is a link between those two products and breast cancer. Awesome. Apparently, parabens act as estrogen when applied to the skin near the breast frequently, and  a lot of estrogen is known to cause breast cancer growth thus the link, but nothing is conclusive so far. Which means it’s likely true, but since they haven’t been able to definitively prove it yet the companies can still use it as an ingredient since the FDA can’t ban it. Awesome. Aluminum coats the skin and blocks sweat glands from releasing harmful toxins, which then leads to those toxins to be distributed by the lymphatic system and to circulate the body causing various ailments. Double awesome. I’m not taking chances with my armpits and boobs, so I’m going aluminum free and paraben free from now on. Bye bye awesome Clinical Strength Secret. It was so fun while it lasted but you’re potentially bad for me so I’m going to have to dump you. I’d give Kiss My Face (gosh it’s such a terrible name) a 8ish, closer to  a 9. This stuff worked, it kept me dry, and odor-free. Plus I was wearing a black shirt all day and it didn’t leave any marks on my shirt, and it’s made in Canada! Yay!

I like the Kiss my Face brand, but I think I’ll keep trying other brands to compare and see if there’s anything I like better. Thankfully I will be safely un-smelly (and yes I just made up that word).